Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
