Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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