So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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