I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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