More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
