i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
