i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
