I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
