from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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