omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
