The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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