No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
