I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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