One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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