Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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