College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
