im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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