i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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