I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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