Kiss
Puke
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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