Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
