I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
