don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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