Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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