I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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