wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
