your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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