I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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