if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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