about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
