I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
