Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
