theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
