i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
