Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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