What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
