"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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