Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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