Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He shit in the fireplace
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
