I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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