i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
