So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In America we eat man semen.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
