I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
