I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
