I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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