exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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