I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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