you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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