i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize