My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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